Befriending Myself

Monday weigh-in, at 151 pounds.

Hard to believe, but I can’t remember what I weighed last Monday.  It was probably 155, but it might have been 157.

I have, lately, decided to have more compassion for myself and less tough love, mostly because “tough love” usually seems to be stingy with the love and generous with the tough.  And that doesn’t end up looking much like love to me.

What this doesn’t mean is giving myself permission to go eat anything I want, any time I want, in any amount I want.

What it does mean is asking myself questions like, “Is eating that cupcake really what I would do if I loved myself?”  Or like, “Is there some other treat I could have that will not make me feel bad later?” And especially, “Is it productive, or counterproductive, to beat myself up when I eat something unhealthy?”

It means reminding myself that there will always be cupcakes, so I don’t need to have one right now.

It means forgiving myself for small lapses, in the hope that this inspires me to do better next time.

It means, above all, asking myself , “What would I say to a friend in my position?”  Would I say, “You’re a disgusting fat pig with no willpower”?  Or would I say, “So you ate a cupcake.  Everybody regrets something they eat once in a while.  But I know you have the power to go back to healthy eating immediately, with the very next thing you choose to put in your mouth.”  Notice that I said “immediately,” and not “tomorrow.”  How many times have I said to myself, “Tomorrow,” and then “Tomorrow,” and then “Tomorrow” until a year or more had passed?

On my recent post about things I’ll never say again, one thing I didn’t include was “Diet is not a moral issue.”  I still believe that to be true.  I still dislike hearing people say, “I was so good today – I skipped the treats and went to the gym,” or “I was so bad – I ate a whole box of donuts.”  What I’d like to hear is, “I’m proud of myself for doing what’s good for me,” or “I wish I hadn’t eaten that, but it is truly not the end of the world, and the next thing I eat will be good for me.”

Has the Migraineur become softer and less doctrinaire?  Maybe I’ve given up trying to prove anything to anyone but myself?  Nah.  But it occurs to me that I’d be happier if I did.

(For the record, no cupcakes were harmed in the research or writing of this post.)

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